We Laugh to Survive: Bringing levity to the art of motherhood

Welcome to the Club by Ali Van Heusen

So, 2008 wasn’t really my year. We lost my Grandpa just before the year started, February began with my dad being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and ended with my Grandma dying, and finally in October my dad passed away. Needless to say my whole family was looking forward to the birth of our first child, and the first grandchild, in March of 2009.

Well, just when I thought normalcy was returning to our world, life threw us another curve ball.  Our daughter was born March 2, 2009 at 12:58am, and we were told the next morning that she most likely had Down syndrome. At the time we were devastated, all of the dreams and expectations we had for our first born had just been shattered. We didn’t know anything about Down syndrome or about having a child with special needs. I remember breaking down crying and saying to my husband, my mother, and my father-in-law that we were never going to be able to go on vacation again. It seemed to me that life as I had known it was over.

If I could have only known how wrong I was to think that the joy I would get from parenting wouldn’t be fulfilled. Mila, like the meaning of her name, is truly a miracle. You cannot meet her and not be absolutely charmed and enchanted by this little being. Everywhere we go she makes people smile, makes their day better, and often makes them laugh. We were at dinner the other night and a woman came up to our table and said she had been watching Mila, that she was “just beautiful” and proceeded to kiss her on the forehead before leaving.

Twenty one months and a another baby later I’ve learned that

“normal” is overrated, having a child with special needs is special in the most amazing and unexpected ways, and laughter really is the best medicine.  Our house is filled with love and laughter because of the daughter we never expected, who just happens to have Down syndrome.

Oh, I Am Judging the Woman at the Gymnastics Class

By Teri Weiher
As I sit and watch my daughters gymnastic class, I am surrounded by all of the parenting styles I could ever imagine.  My question is, which one are you? Which one am I? I am pondering that as I listen to the comments, dialogue and discussions. As well as observe the body language and interactions. Very interesting….

So, I hear one discussion about the “gift” the child has been given. Mmmm, I am wondering what that gift is. The mother points out her daughter in the class and you would swear a natural gymnastics star has been born. Yet, I watch the child during the training session…. I’m seeing a young girl, who looks like she is working hard and enjoying herself. She struggles to get some of the techniques. Understandable, this stuff is tough!!! Yet, the mother, talks (loudly of course) about the brilliance of the girl. How the coaches use her as the example because of this gift.

What is it about parents that they can actually take the JOY out of an activity for their children? You always hear about parents living vicariously through the kids but this seems to be a convenient blanket and not really an explanation. Unless, it’s not about unresolved dreams for themselves but the potential of dreams for their child?  Or I guess it could just be the fact that the parent can’t get past him or her-self and just let the little person they created become a person on their own. With his own unique interests, quirks, likes and dislikes.  Perhaps as parents, we all want to control as much of our childs life experience as we can? It’s a scary thought but I think to some degree, consciously or not, our children become tools or pawns for our own expression.

So here is a challenge for all of us-because the reality is, if you are a parent, you have done this on some level at some time!! Take a moment with that because I did not want to admit it either!! But, we have, you have, I have, he has, she has and the woman in the gymnastics class DEFINITELY has!!

Next time you, we, want to make a statement for our child, pause for a moment. Is the statement really FOR his or her best interest or is that bit of pure human nature sneaking in and tempting you to hijack the child to show your position?

I realize, as I write this blog and pass judgment on the woman at the gymnastics studio, that I will truly, truly try to avoid doing that to our children in the future. I guess the one thing we can all do as parents is to stand up when we realize we could do something better and give that higher road a try the next time around.

Peace Out to All the Parents in the World and a special peace wishing to those in Japan.